PYONGYANG – Yesterday, Iranian President Hassan Rouhani took to Twitter to announce his universal health care plan, “RouhaniCare.” Not to be outdone by his Axis of Evil partner, North Korean President Kim Jong-Un today unveiled his “KimCare” plan.
Gov will extend medical insurance to all Iranians. First step will be to cover 5mn uninsured Iranians by the social safety net #RouhaniCare
— Hassan Rouhani (@HassanRouhani) February 5, 2014
“While North Korea has always had universal health care for its citizens, we recognize there have been significant barriers to access. KimCare will remove those barriers,” Kim said in a speech carried live on state television.
Under the new plan, malnutrition will no longer be considered a pre-existing condition, enabling millions of North Koreans to now get coverage for the very first time. “Health care is a right, not a privilege. Therefore, we believe every citizen should have affordable access to health care regardless of their access to food,” he proclaimed.
Kim said the improvements in KimCare were extremely personal for him, inspired by his own experiences. “I strongly believe in health care for all North Koreans and I hope KimCare will be the signature accomplishment of my time as Supreme Leader,” he said. The plan will include the most advanced coverage of addiction and drug abuse rehabilitation services in the world. Kim indicated this move was inspired by a close friend who has suffered from alcoholism.
Counseling and psychological services will now be covered under KimCare, in case of the sudden death of a family member, such as an uncle. Children will also be able to stay on their parent’s insurance until their parents die in office.
Critics of the plan swiftly pointed to what they called an exemption for government employees. Under KimCare, millions of North Koreans will get their coverage subsidized with little to no out-of-pocket premiums. However, Kim Jong-Un hit back quickly explaining, “These characterizations are not true. The people subsidized under this program are not government employees–they live and work in prison camps across North Korea and have no other sources of income to pay for health insurance. For the first time ever, we are telling our political prisoners: Under KimCare, we’ve got you covered.”
Starting March 1st, North Koreans can begin signing up for coverage online at KimCare.kp.gov. President Kim is not worried about possible difficulties navigating the site. “Not only is KimCare.kp.gov the only website citizens need to go to, it’s also the only website they can go to,” he said.
While it has taken years for Americans to understand and support Obamacare, immediate reactions across North Korea were generally positive. “We don’t understand what KimCare is, but we fully support the Supreme Leader,” said one North Korean.
